Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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