I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
