she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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