I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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