literally had 100 drinks last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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