BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
