Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
