you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your cock deserves a montage
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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