I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
