We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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