she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize