I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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