i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
