I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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