i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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