ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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