His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
