i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
