ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
