so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
