So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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