She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
