I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
