But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
