Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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