I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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