nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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