i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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