How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize