When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
