what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
