Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I looked at my own cervix.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
