I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it glows. i had to have it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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