Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
