the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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