I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
