I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
