i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
