i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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