corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
