i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
