16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
