Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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