I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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