It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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