standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
