Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize