Betty ford says i'm here all night
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize