I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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