there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
