did i walk over a car last night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
