woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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