omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
