Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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