Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
