literally had 100 drinks last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
