we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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