3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
