the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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