I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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