i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
