Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
