he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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