We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
